Losing a Life: A Grief Resource Guide
Experts have categorized the grieving process into stages, but no two people ever will grieve in exactly the same way after the loss of a loved one. The various stages often don’t progress in neat succession, and the duration of each stage may be much longer or much shorter for one individual versus another. 
The stages are simply used as a model of what can be expected during the process.
What most professionals advise is to not be influenced by what others say. Some people don’t know what to say to offer comfort and as a result, what is said may be inappropriate and even hurtful. There is no amount of time that is steadfast for the grieving process to come to an end and for those left behind to move on. It cannot be accelerated, and trying to get through the process quickly actually may be unhealthy, according to a number of experts. While there is no instant cure for grief, there are resources that can be helpful for getting through a loss and finding peace, acceptance, and healing.
Shock & Denial
Often, those left behind will have a feeling of shock at first learning of a loved one’s death. Denial frequently accompanies shock, and is a way for loved ones to avoid pain of the reality. Shock also can be a protective mechanism to shield individuals from the overwhelming reality of the loss.
- Dealing with Grief – Here find the different phases of grief, what to expect, and how it can change people.
- What’s normal? – This site is a Q & A about the grief process, and links to other resources.
- Denial – This site is informational on the purpose of denial as a way of coping after traumatic events.
- Grief: Symptoms & Feelings - Visit this site for an explanation of grief and what some of the feelings are that one can expect after a loss.
- How to cope with Grief – Here is a very thorough site on grief, its symptoms, and how to support someone who has suffered a loss.
Pain & Guilt
Pain and suffering is frequently experienced in the grieving process. Being “strong” for others may be important at certain times, but in moments of terrible pain, experts encourage that the pain not be hidden, and that it not be escaped or avoided with the help of drugs, alcohol, or other substances.
During this phase, those left behind may regret not doing certain things or going to certain places while the loved one was alive. Life can feel frightening.
- Teens and Grieving – Everything is normal regarding grief, which you'll read at this site.
- Understanding Guilt – This paper was written by a social worker and offers a complete look at guilt and how to get through it.
- Anticipating death - Even when death is imminent, one never knows exactly how it will affect each individual. Among other types of grief, Hospice provides an explanation of “anticipatory” grief.
- For the Dying – In addition to a look at grief after a loss, this site also touches on the grief of a terminally-ill individual facing death.
Anger & Bargaining
Anger and frustration can be experienced in grief. These emotions may cause loved ones left behind to direct that anger at others and place blame on a certain thing or person. Experts caution control in this phase, as such “lashing out” may be damaging to other relationships. If there have been times when being strong was necessary, that time will pass and it is important to let go of the bottled-up emotions.
To question “why” is common and sometimes those in pain will pledge never to do a certain activity, for example, if it would bring the loved one back.
- The 6 R's – Here is another professional’s look at the grief process.
- The Grief Timetable – At this site, learn that there is NO timetable for how long grief should last.
- Grief or Depression – There is a difference, and this site helps with signs that grief has become more serious.
- Surviving Loss – Everyone feels loss differently and loss comes in different forms, as well. Here is some advice on how to deal with loss.
- Experiencing a Loss – A small bit of information on experiencing the loss of a loved one and how to deal with it.
Depression, Reflection, Loneliness
Remember that others around you don’t really know how to react toward another’s loss until loss is experienced by them first-hand. They may verbalize that it’s now “time” the individual should have moved on. Moving on is something that takes place on a completely individual basis, and should not be rushed.
At this stage, the true feeling of loss may become horribly apparent. Isolation may be created intentionally in order to hold onto memories that can temporarily ward off despair.
- Positively dealing with Grief – Some religious undertones are here on this very thorough site on how to deal with grief and help others with grief of their own.
- Grieving Children – Here’s a look at what may be going through the heart and mind of a child who lost a loved one, with some great advice for young people who are grieving.
- A Caring Ear – For those who need to talk confidentially about their loss, there is a phone number on this site for the Good Grief Center.
- Types of Bereavement – Complicated and Uncomplicated; this paper gives an informative look at both.
- Suggestions – Here, families will find a list of things they can do to be a support group for each other after losing a family member.
The Upward Turn
Loved ones left behind may begin to feel ready to make the adjustment of now being without the friend or family member. The chaos is recognized as such, and organization becomes a little easier. The physical ailments as symptoms of loss will begin to alleviate.
- Grief Support Groups – At this site find links to a number of links specific to the nature of the loss.
- Needs While Grieving – Hospice provides a list of the basic needs of individuals who are experiencing the grieving process.
- The Bereavement Process – Here is a look at the feelings that can be expected by a person left behind after a loved one’s death.
- Dealing With Loss – American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy gives some advice on how the individual left behind can work through the death of a loved one.
- Back to Work – For some, getting back to work after losing a loved one can help toward recreating normalcy; others may dread going back to the office. This site gives very helpful advice for how to ease back into the office routine.
Reconstruction & Working Through
The individual left behind will become more cognitively functional. He or she becomes able to look for solutions to problems that arise due to being without the other person. This is the prelude to acceptance of life “alone” and making oneself able to resume life in that capacity.
- Book List – Here is a list of books especially suited for children and young people after the loss of a loved one.
- Camp Erin – Learn about this camp for children and teens who are grieving from the loss of a loved one.
- The First Year – After a loss, these are informational booklets that some clergy send intermittently to individuals who are grieving.
- Release a Balloon – Visit this site for what may be an interesting, healing way for some to deal with loss.
- Military Memorial – This site allows families left behind with a different way to honor their fallen heroes through messages over the internet.
Acceptance & Hope
At this stage is realization of reality. That does not mean happiness becomes automatic, however. A major loss has been experienced and it will leave a permanent mark in some certain way, shape, or form. The individual left behind will likely not be the same person as before, but it now becomes possible to look toward the future. Soon, although there may always be sadness, it will become possible to think about and talk about the loved one without pain. Living life can become a joyful experience again.
- The Decision – Here is a look at dying from the perspective of a terminally ill individual and what that person may feel and want in the final days and hours.
- What Can Make Grieving Difficult – A horrible accident, losing the golden years with a spouse, and other incidents can make talking about a death very difficult, but this site gives advice for getting through such difficulties.
- Loss of a Family Member – Here is advice from the Catholic Church as to the necessary steps for making “arrangements.”
- Stages of Grief – The late Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’ model of grief and the stages one goes through after loss of a loved one. Kubler-Ross is the author of On Death and Dying.
- How to Help – Don’t talk, listen. Be there. Be patient. These are just some of the things included in a list here of how to help someone who is dealing with a loss.
Additional Grief Resources
- Tools to Help the Recovery – Click on this link and find information about an audio program of meditation that can help with coping skills.
- Death of a Child – Find out more about “The Compassionate Friends” and watch a video that might be helpful.
- Meditations – At this site, read meditations written by a doctor with terminal cancer.
- Suicide - Find resources available to help with bereavement following a loved one’s suicide.
- Time to Say Goodbye – Here is a touching poem from a man to man’s best friend.
